“If I stare at it long enough, maybe something will happen”

Man, do I enjoy buffets.  You can pick how much food you want to it, and the choices are sky’s the limit.  I also find them to be where you’ll get the most bang for your buck.  If you go to a buffet during lunch, you can eat enough food to last you for the rest of the day, for usually around $10.  But even though I love buffets, the people there are atrocious to say the least.

When you go to restaurant, I’d assume that you go with knowing what you want, for the most part.  Like at McDonald’s, you don’t go there thinking about getting steak;  you’re there for the burgers and fries.  Now of course buffets offer a wide variety of food, but each place still serves a basic food type, like pizza.  So the fuck is it so hard for people to choose what they want to eat?  You see pizza, you’d assume that’s what you want.  But know, these people have to fucking stare at it for several minutes, wasting everyone else’s goddamn time because they won’t get out of the way.  And what good is staring at it gonna do, anyways?  The food isn’t going to fly onto your plate if you stare it long enough.  Take the spoon or spatula, and plop that shit onto your plate.  “But I don’t know if I want that, maybe I want something else.”  Good news!  You can go up and get more food!  Fucking dipshits.  And I’ve seen some people stand in line without a plate yet!  Are you going to balance a salad in one hand and chicken in the other?  What a stupid douche bag.  Go to the fucking beginning of the line.

Speaking of the beginning of the line, let’s talk about buffet etiquette.  Now, you may be asking yourself “What the hell is he talking about?”  Well, when you go to a buffet, you go grab a plate first.  Now wherever the plates are, that should be your starting point for the line.  Don’t get a plate and then move to the end of the line and go backwards.  That’s like trying to walk down an escalator that’s going up.  Take your turn and go with the flow, you greedy fuckers.  Of course, if a buffet has plates on both ends, the rule gets a little murky, but it’s still not hard to figure out.  The second thing, is to not cut, unless you’re skipping past a slow fucker who’s getting salad, and there’s a good sized gap next to them.  I hate it when I am in line waiting to get some pizza, and a fat hog cuts in next to me and starts shoveling food.  Why are you that much more important than me?  I’ve followed the fucking rules, and shouldn’t be screwed over by Jabba the Hutt who can’t wait to meet the grim reaper as they pile on the calories.  Another thing; don’t take too much of one thing.  Buffets should be like sampling food, not taking the entire thing with you.  I hate when stupid assholes take half a pizza with them when it’s fresh.  Other people have been waiting for that and your greedy fat ass took half of it.  I hope someone punches you in the guts and your plate flies to the floor.  And my last thing, don’t ask your kids what you want, especially if they’re like 3 years old.  You’re standing in line, and there’s a parent asking the kid what they want.  They ask a question, the kid doesn’t respond.  And this keeps going, and going, and going.  Just get the kid something that they’ll probably enjoy.  It can’t be too hard to figure out, since you’re their parents and have seen them everyday for 3 years or so.  Stop wasting my time and get a fuck a doodle dandy move on!